Week 2 Consolidation of conquered lands


Dads on tour……to B&Q

Nightime wake ups: One per night (apart from the nights where there were more)
Dribble: 42 pints
Nappies changed not in the house: 1

Teeth: zero

God moves in mysterious ways. Either that or he doesn’t exist and a long, brutish process of evolution has resulted in our teeth being painfully hammered through our gums before we are old enough to understand what’s going on. This week has seen the opening of a new front in the battle of CPP’s mouth leading to several sessions of blood curdling caterwauling in an effort to scream the teeth out.

We had a nice day out with two other dads and babies to B&Q (see pic). Remember the adulation I was expecting for being a father looking after his child? It turns out all I needed to do was to hang around with a couple of other dads doing the same and the old ladies of Tonbridge turned to mush (not literally (apart from one but we managed to dispose of the remains in a nearby drain)).

In an effort to get out of the house every day, we have inadvertently been to the supermarket five times this week. There is something soothing about rows of tins that sends the lad off to sleep and actually I find it quite soothing as well.  With all of the unnecessary ingredients I’ve bought, if anyone fancies coming over for a blueberry and teriyaki salad, let me know.

CPP has really improved his violent, unpredictable gymnastics this week. Usually he gets strapped into his beanbag (suitable up to age 8) whilst dad has a 90 second shower (I can get it all done in that time). This week he managed to bounce himself upside down and the bean bag on top of him.  He was fine and was probably more shocked by the gallons of water I dripped in his face as I rushed out of the shower to pick him up.  A more innovative solution is required.  Possible invention: contraption to strap child to the wall.

Prospects for siblings
In an effort to improve his leg strength and booty, CPP has begun the 30 day squats challenge.  Most of these violent leg thrusts are in the vicinity of my groin.    Potential invention:  Massively padded pants.

Lie in
I went out on Friday night for the first time in 2016 and was allowed to lie in until 10am. The result of my experiment was to confirm my suspicion that parenting skills are demonstrably poorer with a pounding hangover.  I spent the afternoon unblocking a drain, in the pouring rain.

Captain Poo Pants now has one of those things that he can sit in and boing up and down in – a boinger for want of a better word.  Lesson learnt this week – change nappy BEFORE commencing boinging.

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