1) Yep I understand you’re trying to get my trousers on but could I just KICK YOU IN THE CHEST. BANG. AND AGAIN. Great, thanks. I’ll just grab my feet for a bit then you can get right back to the trousers thing I promise….you’ll need to put that sock back on though……and that one…….and that one.
2) 3am. Sorry to interrupt. I hear you shhhing. I’m happy for ya. Imma let you finish but right now I gota do some cat impressions.
3) Hi I’ve done a time and motion study and I’ve calculated that we can degrade our supplies of nappies, wipes and energy much quicker if instead of doing one big poo, I split it up into three separate ones in 45 minutes. You’re welcome.
4) I’ve been thinking and I reckon we could jazz up your new black combat trousers, which cost more than you’ve ever spent on a pair of trousers, if I do a big milky sick all over the crotch (might just be relevant to me this one).
5) Tell you what, do the coat up by all means but right now I MUST FEELTHE ZIP to check it’s all okay and all that. This is important.
6) The new menu sir – One mouthful of food, 30 seconds of finger sucking, another mouthful of food, 30 seconds of finger sucking.
7) Come closer my pretty. No, closer. Closer still. ACHOOOOOOO.
8) Hey daddy you should show off your chest more. Here, let me grab and misshapen the necks of every t-shirt and jumper you own.
9) I MUST BOUNCE SPECIFICALLY ON THIS TESTICLE.