We are pleased to present week 7 of our shared parental leave diaries.
The major news this week is that we went to a cafè owned by Dame Kelly Holmes and Dame Kelly Holmes was there waiting tables in the cafè owned by herself (Dame Kelly Holmes). Captain Poo Pants actually had his lunch microwaved by double Olympic gold medallist Dame Kelly Holmes. This is how he chose to commemorate the occasion.
(Incidentally if Dame Kelly Holmes had opened a housing company rather than a cafè when she retired, she could have called it Dame Kelly Homes – I should talk to her about this).
Captain poo pants has been doing a great impression of a croquet hoop this week. Whatever I try to get him to do he channels the spirit of a lower case ‘n’ – back arched and head as far back as possible, almost touching his heels. Putting him to bed? Croquet hoop. Changing his nappy? Croquet hoop. Tenderly comforting him? Croquet hoop. Ask him to pretend to be a croquet hoop? Croquet hoop (actually this one shows that he is beginning to treat me with the respect due to me as an authority figure in his life. Well done).
When I walk round Tonbridge with the pram I regularly get admiring glances from old ladies, families, innkeepers, crossing patrol supervisors, passing troupes of lingerie models etc. As we walked around on Tuesday with a male friend the looks became of a different order. Instead of cooing at the baby or making a playful but tiresome comment about dad being in charge today, people looked at us and either did a sort of pursed lipped nod as if to say ‘I’m thoroughly modern and in no way challenged by your non-stereotypical family set up’ OR looked daggers at us for embodying this country going to hell in a handcart. I quite enjoyed being a gay dad, even for just a day (Hi Paul!).
Helped to find a lost doggie
As if the week hadn’t already been eventful enough, it was the first properly nice day of the year on Wednesday which meant an irresponsibly long walk (especially as I only had one canister of mook with me) during which we helped to find a lost dog. It got me thinking that a way to avoid going back to work might be if me and Isaac go full time finding dogs. Do you own a dog? Would you pay, say £800, for us to find it? Get in touch.
We’ve had a few milestones this week as CPP moves from being a baby to being a slightly older baby. He’s now completely dropped one of his morning naps which is good but it means he’s in a foul mood by breakfast time. He’s screamed at more porridge this week than a lunatic let loose in the cereal aisle.
Talking of porridge, we’re now on the 7 month+ stuff which is the same slime as before except now it has weird balls in which break down if you bash them hard enough – imagine a shit Müller crunch corner and you’re not far off.
We’ve also gone back to using Ewan the sheep. Reminder: must buy batteries. 4000 batteries.
We are trying to get him to hold food and gnaw at it preparing for a day around 25 years in the future when he’ll be able to feed himself. Earlier he successfully gnawed at some melon only for the smushed up flesh to drop out of his mouth several minutes later when we’d all moved onto other things. Rice cakes, after this tricky start, seem to be a winner although we’ll obviously have to keep a close eye on the coasters if he gets a taste for them.
Send your guess with a cheque or postal order to PO Box 2376!
Baby blogging awards
If you are enjoying our Captain Poo Pants exploits, please find it in your heart to nominate me for one or both of the following big parent blogging awards. It’ll only take 5 minutes – cheers.
BIB Awards – fresh voice and writer categories
Tots 100 MAD Awards – newcomer category.