I am now officially over halfway through my parental leave meaning my return to work is but a few months away. Although I’m now more organised and more productive earlier in the day, once I’m back in the office I will have to cut down on other things like the constant narration of my day (“daddy’s just going wee wee”).
I’ve spoken to a few newer parents whose babies have slept through the night and I have had to bite my tongue and not mention the 3 month sleep regression, the 4 month sleep regression, the 5 month sleep regression, the 6 month sleep regression, the 7 month sleep regression and what we’re going through at the moment, the 7.65 month sleep regression.
This week Captain Poo Pants has had a cold so we’ve employed a couple of sleep aids. Firstly I’ve invested in a ww1 gas mask to cope with the menthol plug in we’ve installed. It’s powerful but does at least mask the perfumed shit smell of the nappy bin.
Secondly we’ve had to pop the cot wedge in. If you’ve never seen one it is simply a tetrahedron of foam that you might find in the bins outside an upholstery shop but because it’s sold for babies it retails at around £32,000.
It’s supposed to prop your baby up to help them breathe through a cold but Captain Poo Pants had other ideas and has just worked himself down to the bottom of the cot where he can sleep horizontally. Another great purchase.
Baby food is crammed with so much science that they forgot to leave any room for flavour. After spending several thousands of pounds on baby science porridge, I have now started giving him Weetabix in the morning. Just as good but if you don’t wipe it immediately it sets like concrete and your baby will have to live the rest of his life with a mask of it like a wheaty Zorro.
Pooing like mad
You’ll quickly learn that literally every symptom your baby gets in its first year can be put down to teething. Dribble? Teething. Red cheeks? Teething. Growing an extra arm? Teething. This week we’ve had an opulence of dental related bum explosions. Imagine jalfrezi being fired from a supersoaker and you get the idea.
Just like his dad’s efforts to win the lottery, CPP has this week been *really* close to a double rollover. Next week will be our week.
Previously mealtimes have resembled a basking shark floating open mouthed through a school of krill. This week he has been making excellent progress at beginning to feed himself getting the food very close to his face on several occasions.
Baby blogging awards
If you are enjoying our Captain Poo Pants exploits, please find it in your heart to nominate me for one or both of the following big parent blogging awards. It’ll only take 5 minutes – cheers.
BIB Awards – fresh voice and writer categories
Tots 100 MAD Awards – newcomer category.