Week 16 – I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a crawler


Useless idiot

Well, what do you know? I mentioned last week that Captain Poo Pants had developed a brand new sleeping position; on his front, head at 90 degrees and bum in the air. It turns out that this was the key to our sleeping problems all along and he’s slept really well all week. All that crying in the night for the past several months was just him saying “AAAAARRRGH STOP PUTTING ME DOWN ON MY BACK YOU PRICKS!!!!”

One morning he slept until 8.30 which to you non-parents out there counts as two nights’ sleep back to back. We both woke with a start and glancing at the clock immediately assumed the worst; that he’d been carried away by a condor in the night…..but no! Instead he’d actually been asleep. Comfortably asleep for ages! Needless to say none of our sleep aids actually made any difference including Ewan the sheep – the battery-guzzling woolen gommo.

As a consequence of the extra sleep this week my appearance has been upgraded from ‘the undead’ to ‘off putting’.


We all crawl down
You’ll recall that like British manufacturing in recent times, CPP has only been able to move backwards (in this analogy space-time represents the increasingly competitive global market (expressed in relative terms, naturally)). That is until this week when he very clearly bounded forwards to fondle a large red ball.

His motion now resembles what I imagine a daddy long legs would look like carrying a heavy rucksack. Bumbling along, not really in control of his limbs and toppling over every couple of seconds.

The great escape
That’s it now. When he’s down on the floor now he makes a beeline (well, a daddy long legs line) for the most dangerous thing in the room (ooh look some wires to get tangled up in. Ooh look a big sign saying Acme bird seed – free!). Nappy changing has gone from a straightforward operation to a WWE grudge match where I have to get him in a submission pin before I can wrestle the poo off him. He’s getting into the spirit of things regularly braining me with a metal chair whilst the referee’s back is turned.


Another first this week – I lovingly made him three different kinds of crustless sandwich to try (cucumber, cheese and peanut butter, if you were wondering). Placing them in front of him he looked at me like I’d just asked him to play the trombone. Then one by one he picked them up, looked me in the eye and expressionlessly dropped them over the side of his high chair onto the floor. Cold, man. Cold.

Sort of standing up
He’s also sort of pulling himself up to standing. His best effort this week came using my nipples as grippage. So proud.

Double poo bin
I’m not sure what happened this week in terms of wee (this is me getting back into office speak in preparation for going back to work) but I had to empty the nappy bin twice. Double turd anaconda!!!


2 thoughts on “Week 16 – I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a crawler

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