Week 18: The Final Countdown. Dudu du du. Dudu du du du

Well that’s it – almost 5 months of shared parental leave is over and I have to go back to work. Can you believe the injustice? I am very much Peter Shilton in this scenario and Maradona is played by the notion of full time employment.

For our last week it rained, we both had colds and we had a tonne of baby related admin to complete. Cosmic.


Nursery drop ins
You might have got used to the low level moan of your own baby but the low level moan of 15 babies at once is something else. Getting louder as we approached the door to the baby room it brought to mind the original issue of DOOM and being a child of the 90s that put me on edge slightly. After holstering my imaginary plasma rifle we left CPP with some strangers for an hour, then two hours the next day. We had to PAY the strangers for preventing us spending time with our own child. What sort of madness is this?

We had to fill in a form with CPP’s likes and dislikes which was surprisingly tricky.

Likes: Sneezing, putting his hand in other people’s mouths.

Dislikes: Not being fed quickly enough.

Obviously leaving him was the worst thing that’s ever happened (for us, not him).

Health visitor
Our exciting last week was infinitely improved by a visit to the health visitor (the title sort of implies that the effort to visit should be made on their part rather than ours doesn’t it?) for a developmental check. In yet another example of the UK’s testing culture we had to set CPP a series of challenges and fill in a form before going.

1) Can he pull himself up from standing?
2) Does he babble using different syllables?
3) Can he pick up a piece of string?
4) Can he stroke a pigeon in the right direction?
5) Can he identify the Princess Royal from a group shot of Europe’s remaining Royal families?

If the situation requires it babies can produce a limitless amount of snot. Most of my remaining time this week was spent trying to get the snot off his face. His sole aim has been to keep hold of it resulting in a sort of mucusy tug of war.


Cleaning teeth
It is extremely important to clean your baby’s teeth. It’s also impossible. We’ve tried really hard at it this week and can confidently say that CPP has the cleanest lips and chin in town.

And with a whimper my shared parental leave came to an end. We spent our last weekend at the beach with some friends and then went for a walk in the sunshine as a family on the Sunday. It has been the best, most rewarding and toughest thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. We’ve been really lucky to have been able to split our leave, for both of us to have been able to spend long periods with Captain Poo Pants and to have had plenty of days to spend as a family.

On the downside, the extra meal a day I’ve been having for the last 5 months has taken its toll and I now look like Russell Grant.

I’m planning a post or two on shared parental leave and returning to work but let me know whether you think I should carry on the blog as a more general parenting type blog or just pack it in right now before someone gets hurt.

8 thoughts on “Week 18: The Final Countdown. Dudu du du. Dudu du du du

  1. Charlie Haymonds says:

    Please carry on u r so funny and it’s nice to hear someone else is going through what I am! I love reading ur posts at 4am feeds! Haha!


  2. Jacq. Paschoud says:

    As someone who was sacked when pregnant (that could happen then) and then spent 30 years on “parental leave” I can see why you might feel a bit sad that it is coming to an end. Probably a lot more blog to write!


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