I’ve decided to carry on doing blogposts but probably not every week. This is therefore update 19 rather than week 19 ((which is week 23) which is technically week 45) (if you see what I mean).
Nursery is a place where small people with no immune system go to sneeze in each others faces. Consequently since starting nursery a few weeks back Captain Poo Pants has been off nursery ill more than he’s been there well.
What a business model. By mid-week the employees are probably sat with their feet up and a fag on watching Trisha; all the children having successfully been sent home ill.
I jest of course. In fact he’s settled in very well and is doing so many activities that spending time at home is now pretty boring in comparison. This is why he spends his time at home climbing on tables and pulling at dangerous wires.
When I picked him up from nursery last week he was sitting just waving a tea strainer round his head so as a dad who wants to give his son the best in life I treated him to a new whisk on the way home. Only the best for my lad.
An ill baby means an awake baby so we’ve spent several nights providing early hours comfort. CPP has taken to gently pinching the skin of my upper arm and pulling as he drifts back to sleep. By the time he’s actually sleeping through the night I’ll have one big flappy arm like one of those fat fuckers that’s lost 10 stone but now has to tie their skin in a pony tail.
I’ve gone back to work. That’s happened. Yup. Great. Loving it. Through the liberal use of working at home I’ve still only been into the office 12 times this year.
We need to build a gate
Who’s going to pay for the gate? MEXICO!!!
The big news is that Captain Poo Pants is now a professional crawler who moves faster over the ground than a cheetah that’s just spotted a vulnerable gnu.
We’ve had to begin the process of baby proofing and have imposed a wall both to protect CPP from falling down the steps but also to stop migrants from the kitchen coming to competently and cost-effectively perform service jobs in the lounge. It’s a beautiful thing.
I haven’t got any major insights on parenting but I do have one recommendation for the manufacturers of children’s toys: if they play a song, please, please, please provide a sheet of lyrics for parents. Deciphering the lyrics from CPP’s pretend TV remote was possible only through searching obscure internet fora for confused parents on the DarkNet. Deciphering the song coming out of his truck however proved beyond the entire internet but came to me in the dead of night.
Carry vehicles around the town, load them up and roll them down. Driving, learning along the way. Learning’s so much fun today.
When we thought it was;
Carry me along Ipswich Town, loan me a cup and roll a clown. Diving, earring, a longer play. Lemons, sonar, much fine toad eh?
Shows what we know, eh?
As Captain Poo Pants said earlier “it’s questionable whether the institutions of the EU can withstand a further eurozone or migration crisis but on balance the possibility of major employers relocating might be too much of a risk for some to take.”